Didn't read that tight.... Oh right

Simply noting it down while I have it on my mind, I am noticing once again that I am having trouble with words in the way that I will read them as one thing when in fact they say something entirely different. 

By this I mean I would read "forest" when it said "frost" or read "cash" when it said "crash" an there were orhes today I can't recall. I've had this issues before an scott spotted it when read something allowed, today I spotted while playing one off my brain excersize games I try to use daily and today's made it very clear this is a big issues as I did it many times (an only clued in as the "words that were adsosiated" made no sense with what I read.... Then I clued into my issue as what I read was wrong.)

Also as I write this I am having issues as think a full sentience out nib my head yet as I type I entirely miss words. 

For someone who loves reading this is upsetting, my brain/eyes have already took away my ability to effectively read well and fast enough to enjoy reading novels but this issue of entirely miss reading words makes even taking in a single sentience without becoming confused tricky.

 

oh dear

Tomorrow is Christmas. Lets see whats on the menu this moment:

• throat feels raw/sore
• Non stop back spasms
• twitchy
• exhausted
• Headache / lights bothering me
• Cramping
• Bladder acting up
• Super Bloated/swollen abdomen
• Breasts still swollen an tender
• Have my period
• joints sore, hips hurting badly

... Yep the car ride to christmas should be fun... not to mention Christmas itself.
Please something let up

List starts now

For about a year i've thought perhaps it would be good to keep a list of things that happen. By the I mean things that shouldn't really happen or don't happen to others or wouldn't happen to me likely if you took away the issues that showed up a couple years ago really strong.

Perhaps it would help doctors understand more, but mostly I think I myself should know/remember the issues that come up this way an try to find the funny side of it all.

 That said the list has to be split into two parts "brain goof" vs "body goof" that said some items will fall in between, some will be so embarrassing I rather not list them on here as I know I haven't exactly made this blog anonymous but I shall try to because I know I'm not the only one with these issues an well some can almost be funny if you look at ten the right way haha.

My left boob hurts

Anytime my left breast hurts alone (not both breasts) i cant help but worry.

Today it just keeps hurting.

Now an then i get pains in it, pains that were similar to when the antibiotic resistant staph was literally eating a tunnel through my breast. The fact is i know the wound closed without the infection being killed off.

When the pain shows up in my left breast i cant help but worry what might be happening inside as i know that the same infection that caused such a mess is now sealed inside. You may think that's simply not possible, the doctors wouldn't allow that because of what could happen... but you would be wrong.

So when my breast hurts i have reason to worry, and it scares me more than i'd like to admit but so far its been almost 2 years that the scaring has held shut. (i see weird things going on under it at times like sudden bruising for no reason, but so far so "good"


((Explanation of how i know infection is still inside, along with graphic image of original mess))

Dr not so great Pain Managment Specialist from my past

I went to post a response/comment on a petition about the DEA and their crackdown on doctors/pharmacies and how it negatively affects pain pacients… well when I started writing I couldn’t stop (Yes I’m in Canada, but USA policy often affects Canadian an changes how people think an act, this is also why so many Canadians keep up with the USA elections as they affect us more than you know often. So anyways once I started I clued in this post wasn’t so valid about the topic at hand more a venting about an old doctor/doctor’s office I went to. Still the petition got me thinking an writing, (I rewrote an edited version shorter and more to the point to add as a comment to the petition, this petition; change.org/congress ease DEA's Grip )
currently I have had more luck than most getting my pain medication, but that has not always been the case.

For a long time I had to travel over an hour to my doctors every 30days, (without a driver’s license due to medical issues) take extra medication in order to make the trip and then once there be handed a cup to pee in as though I was a junkie. The part that floored me was that the instant piss drug test they had on hand in the office never once registered I was taking my meds. At the time of each test I was often on the max dose of my medication in order to be able to handle the travel, but still the drug test I was given came back negative each month I came in, and then I was accused each month of possibly selling my medication. Despite this seeming evidence I was not taking my medication, I was still re-prescribed the same medication each month. Finally after the 4th month of this routine I told him to order a blood workup to test for my medication as I knew I was taking my meds and was getting frustrated with being accused of selling my medication every month and him not even believing my pain situation. I figured logically the doctor would accept my suggestion and order bloodwork, instead he said it was unnecessary and decreased my prescription despite the fact that as time went on my pain was getting worse.

The next month I came in I was handed the sterile urine container and told to hand over my coat an purse (this was new) then I was lead over to the in-office washroom (until then I had used the public one down the hall as I was told to) where I was told to pee into the cup, as I did the newest doctor in the office stood against the door. Well seeing as I also have bladder issues at times this made it nearly impossible to pee, but I managed. This new routine stayed in place and it was now only the new doctor who would see me, who would full out yell an make threats when once again my urine for some reason showed none of what they thought it should. This doctor also would demand to hear why I needed medication, tell me I was too young to be on medication and that I shouldn't need it, yet had never read a word in my file (and was working in a Pain Management and Rehabilitation Clinic). It seemed if I stood up for myself my medication dose wad decreased, if I sat there and took the abuse nothing changed I still hobbled out with that months prescription. At one point when I saw my original doctor in that office again, I asked if there was anything else we could try as the current medication was far from managing my pain, and most of the time I couldn’t take any medication considering pill count at that point. He told me there was absolutely nothing he could do for me and that there were no options for my pain, which I would have to learn to simply live with it. It was at this point I decided I should try to get into a different or better pain management clinic as, it wasn’t for stronger more effective meds necessarily (though that was a hope) but I couldn’t stay with a doctor who had given up and told me to do the same when I was still in my early 20s with progressing pain issues. 

At my late October appointment with my original pain doctor, I went in knowing I would be seeing a new pain specialist (with multiple doctorates in a wide variety of areas, and was world known) in the middle of December so I only needed to deal with this current doctor for this one last appointment hopefully. Well during the appointment I was drug tested like normal and as always none of my prescribed medication showed up, however one pill I had taken 2 weeks before that I was given by the ER when my back was in a total spasm DID show up in my urine and the doctor lost it on me, calling me a drug seeker and an addict (this confused me as he also would accuse me of not taking any medications prescribed... so how can I be both, but that's another issue), well I explained the situation but apparently he now thought I must be selling my prescribed medication in order to buy the one that did show up on the drug test (that made sense to him rather than simply calling the hospital to verify my story).  In his anger he told me he would only give me half my prescription (once again, so IF you really think I’m selling them than why are you still giving them to me?). Well I told him I couldn’t manage on the current prescription halved as November was a busy month( in fact I’d tried to set aside and save some pills the last couple months in order to have more over the very busy November/December holidays so I could manage in public without feeling miserable), well he said he didn’t care. It was at about this time I immaturely stated that I was glad I would be seeing a new pain specialist in December, well that caused him to rip up the script and tell me something along the lines of “good well you’re his problem now”, I was stunned and asked if he was really going to send me on my way with no medication, and he told me that I didn’t need any medication as I had a new doctor and sent me on my way. 

Walking out of the office I couldn’t help but be scared, this was the end of October, I wouldn’t even meet the new doctor for at least 45days, how would I manage. Sure I knew I had a few extra pills saved up but not enough to even come close to helping really, heck it turned out the extra pills I had saved without mentioning to my doctor weren’t even enough to help with my normal safe withdrawal (many medications you can’t simply stop taking, the effects of stopping to quickly can not only be painful an miserable but can be very dangerous). I tried to stretch them out allowing myself to have a withdrawal period but in stretching out the medication the way I was I still suffered from many of the withdrawal issues, when I could no longer handle it I made a desperate call leaving a phone message to my soon to be new doctor explaining the whole thing, he wrote me a small script to help me do until I saw him, not enough to manage pain so I was a ball on the couch for the next few weeks but I wasn’t a ball on the couch who was also in withdrawal. 

This is where I will end.