Dr not so great Pain Managment Specialist from my past

I went to post a response/comment on a petition about the DEA and their crackdown on doctors/pharmacies and how it negatively affects pain pacients… well when I started writing I couldn’t stop (Yes I’m in Canada, but USA policy often affects Canadian an changes how people think an act, this is also why so many Canadians keep up with the USA elections as they affect us more than you know often. So anyways once I started I clued in this post wasn’t so valid about the topic at hand more a venting about an old doctor/doctor’s office I went to. Still the petition got me thinking an writing, (I rewrote an edited version shorter and more to the point to add as a comment to the petition, this petition; change.org/congress ease DEA's Grip )
currently I have had more luck than most getting my pain medication, but that has not always been the case.

For a long time I had to travel over an hour to my doctors every 30days, (without a driver’s license due to medical issues) take extra medication in order to make the trip and then once there be handed a cup to pee in as though I was a junkie. The part that floored me was that the instant piss drug test they had on hand in the office never once registered I was taking my meds. At the time of each test I was often on the max dose of my medication in order to be able to handle the travel, but still the drug test I was given came back negative each month I came in, and then I was accused each month of possibly selling my medication. Despite this seeming evidence I was not taking my medication, I was still re-prescribed the same medication each month. Finally after the 4th month of this routine I told him to order a blood workup to test for my medication as I knew I was taking my meds and was getting frustrated with being accused of selling my medication every month and him not even believing my pain situation. I figured logically the doctor would accept my suggestion and order bloodwork, instead he said it was unnecessary and decreased my prescription despite the fact that as time went on my pain was getting worse.

The next month I came in I was handed the sterile urine container and told to hand over my coat an purse (this was new) then I was lead over to the in-office washroom (until then I had used the public one down the hall as I was told to) where I was told to pee into the cup, as I did the newest doctor in the office stood against the door. Well seeing as I also have bladder issues at times this made it nearly impossible to pee, but I managed. This new routine stayed in place and it was now only the new doctor who would see me, who would full out yell an make threats when once again my urine for some reason showed none of what they thought it should. This doctor also would demand to hear why I needed medication, tell me I was too young to be on medication and that I shouldn't need it, yet had never read a word in my file (and was working in a Pain Management and Rehabilitation Clinic). It seemed if I stood up for myself my medication dose wad decreased, if I sat there and took the abuse nothing changed I still hobbled out with that months prescription. At one point when I saw my original doctor in that office again, I asked if there was anything else we could try as the current medication was far from managing my pain, and most of the time I couldn’t take any medication considering pill count at that point. He told me there was absolutely nothing he could do for me and that there were no options for my pain, which I would have to learn to simply live with it. It was at this point I decided I should try to get into a different or better pain management clinic as, it wasn’t for stronger more effective meds necessarily (though that was a hope) but I couldn’t stay with a doctor who had given up and told me to do the same when I was still in my early 20s with progressing pain issues. 

At my late October appointment with my original pain doctor, I went in knowing I would be seeing a new pain specialist (with multiple doctorates in a wide variety of areas, and was world known) in the middle of December so I only needed to deal with this current doctor for this one last appointment hopefully. Well during the appointment I was drug tested like normal and as always none of my prescribed medication showed up, however one pill I had taken 2 weeks before that I was given by the ER when my back was in a total spasm DID show up in my urine and the doctor lost it on me, calling me a drug seeker and an addict (this confused me as he also would accuse me of not taking any medications prescribed... so how can I be both, but that's another issue), well I explained the situation but apparently he now thought I must be selling my prescribed medication in order to buy the one that did show up on the drug test (that made sense to him rather than simply calling the hospital to verify my story).  In his anger he told me he would only give me half my prescription (once again, so IF you really think I’m selling them than why are you still giving them to me?). Well I told him I couldn’t manage on the current prescription halved as November was a busy month( in fact I’d tried to set aside and save some pills the last couple months in order to have more over the very busy November/December holidays so I could manage in public without feeling miserable), well he said he didn’t care. It was at about this time I immaturely stated that I was glad I would be seeing a new pain specialist in December, well that caused him to rip up the script and tell me something along the lines of “good well you’re his problem now”, I was stunned and asked if he was really going to send me on my way with no medication, and he told me that I didn’t need any medication as I had a new doctor and sent me on my way. 

Walking out of the office I couldn’t help but be scared, this was the end of October, I wouldn’t even meet the new doctor for at least 45days, how would I manage. Sure I knew I had a few extra pills saved up but not enough to even come close to helping really, heck it turned out the extra pills I had saved without mentioning to my doctor weren’t even enough to help with my normal safe withdrawal (many medications you can’t simply stop taking, the effects of stopping to quickly can not only be painful an miserable but can be very dangerous). I tried to stretch them out allowing myself to have a withdrawal period but in stretching out the medication the way I was I still suffered from many of the withdrawal issues, when I could no longer handle it I made a desperate call leaving a phone message to my soon to be new doctor explaining the whole thing, he wrote me a small script to help me do until I saw him, not enough to manage pain so I was a ball on the couch for the next few weeks but I wasn’t a ball on the couch who was also in withdrawal. 

This is where I will end.

At least yesterday was semi-productive

Yesterday was a good day, pain wise at least. I managed to get a fair amount done the house for once, and cooked dinner on top of it all (and it was even good! Baked chicken works far better than fried chicken for me that’s for sure.) Though I couldn’t eat all day due to nausea, but that was from worry not the pain. Well it was from pain and fear but of a different sort.

I am glad I got done what I did yesterday because today pain is paying me back it seems, and a double helping of nausea today.

I am worried and scared about things, but I am too scared to bring things up to possibly have things either confirmed, or learn I am worried for nothing?

If I could take pain meds I might be able to get some things done, but I basically used up the week’s worth of pain meds while at the cottage Thursday night through Sunday afternoon. Simply so I could function decently and not hear comments from some family members who like to point out the lack of movement or activity I do, how I sit in pain and start pestering me again about a hysto. I also wanted to go to the corn roast that happens at the cottage, and without medication I would have been unable to go and be social at all, as it stands I am thankful my aunt drove to the corn roast since the walk both ways would have been too much.

Though at the corn roast I remembered why I tend to avoid social situations. When you don’t work, or go to school or have anything concrete to do each day it is hard to talk to others. When they ask how you are doing because they know you have had issues and you have nothing positive to say it clearly makes the person you are speaking to as uncomfortable as you yourself feel. This doesn’t change the fact I am glad I went however. The corn was good, and it was good to try to act like a normal person.

So my point is I cannot take meds I don’t really have, because I have already taken more then I can and still have enough for my worst days ahead, let’s just hope it isn’t that bad this time around. I also hold out on pain meds throughout the day when I can so I can use them in the evenings so I can be in less pain and therefore a better mood, also more able to function to do such things as cooking dinner.

The thought of having enough control over my pain that I could function normally, not have to “save up” pills for worse days and not have to lay on the couch in order to be able to cook later would be wonderful. The issue stands with my current pain doctor, in his eyes my pain should be completely under control as it stands, and since it is not if I complain he starts saying I am addicted to the medication (despite my going off for weeks when he told me to!). It’s just so frustrating.

My one doctor did however tell me he would send a note to a pain doctor I had heard of in Hamilton (closer, and also an apparently wonderful doctor). I know he deals with Endometriosis pain along with fibro (though I don’t have fibro) the woman I spoke to about him told me if I saw him I wouldn’t have pain, and I would be able to be ME again! (Well me with less IQ points likely because that’s the way I find pain medications act). But if I wasn’t in pain I could work, and be more social! It would mean I and S could then be more social with others even or so I hope.

Don’t get me wrong I am glad I am in Canada where most all health care is covered! But is it so much to ask for a doctor who listens to me, and knows about Endo pain (doesn’t just ask if I have tried Midol before!!!!!) instead of only seeming to focus on nerve damage pain, that we have now ruled out in my case between nerve blocks over months and drugs for neuropathic pain.