I am not coping well today. Either pain is overthrowing the pain meds, or the pain meds are overthrowing me it would seem. Couldn’t there be balance, you know where the pain meds took away pain, but didn’t make me a stumbling bumbling idiot who can’t even get herself something to eat OR stop scratching. (Yes, for some reason the Demerol seems to be making me itchy today, for the first time ever. Though this is not the first time this has happened with pain meds, Percocet used to always cause this issue to the extend I would scratch till my arms or legs were bleeding)
I am also frustrated because I feel gross and I want to shower, but I am not sure if I am sturdy enough to stand in the shower. I could have a bath, but baths don’t necessarily leave me feeling clean unless I can shower off afterwards. And considering how things are today, I would only want a bath if I could easily use a shower hose to wash out the tub afterwards... however as amazing as our tub is, there is now shower connected to it. So that’s out.
Ugh. I get frustrated at these times.
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Well as it turns out I do know my body.
Though with the use of the one medication (that in I think my last post I said my body seemed to be fighting) my period should have been due on Sunday the 20th or Monday the 21st.
Yesterday however, my pain was mounting. Then my period started and the pain spiked really quickly. By the time my period had truly started I was already on max Demerol on top of my daily Tramadol. It wasn’t enough though; there was a solid hour I was withering in pain on the couch balling my eyes out in way to much pain. The pain was shooting down into my legs. (It is because one of the nerves in your abdomen, is connected/roots into your thy) So anyways I was very unhappy last night, the pain calmed down slightly so I could watch a movie with Scott without distracting him with my cries to too often.
Bedtime came and some meds were starting to wear off so pain was starting to come back. On the flip side more meds would have meant I wouldn’t likely be able to sleep due to the meds, and if I did sleep on the meds it would be a waste of meds in a way. I can often sleep even if I am in a great deal of pain, so if I can I try to. Sleeping is how I can sometimes avoid taking pain medication.
The issue was it was a huge balancing act, I had to be asleep before the pain got too strong and yet the pain was already interfering with my being able to fall asleep. I managed to get to sleep likely after about an hour of laying there with my heat pad on my abdomen, cuddling with Scott and breathing to try to calm down. Though last night I will admit I did cry myself to sleep due to the pain.
I also woke up very frequently to pain and was sleeping lightly I know since Scott rolling over in bed was enough to wake me up many times, and then I would once again notice all the pain and have issues getting back to sleep. When morning came with the sound of Scott’s alarm I was afraid to ask him how he slept. Often when I sleep this poorly due to pain, he does also because he wakes to my whimpers or crying (either in my sleep or awake) and my fussing to get comfortable (an impossible task). This is way when I know I can’t sleep, or figure I won’t sleep well I at times will just stay up on my computer or watch TV and let him go to bed so at least one of us get a good night’s sleep.
I do have happy thoughts about when we have the spare room set up though. I need the holding and cuddling when I am feeling poorly, but then Scott falls asleep and rolls over, so that often when I get up and go downstairs if I am too fussy to sleep as not to disturb his sleep. However if we had the spare room set up those nights that I am exhausted and think I can get to sleep, but unable to sleep soundly/let him get rest I could simply go sleep in the spare room. I find I can’t sleep on the couch so I never really do.
Turned out this morning that Scott had slept rather well considering, morning came too early but it always does. I hope he actually did sleep well and he wasn’t just saying that so I wouldn’t feel so guilty
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