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I live in chronic pain. The reason for my pain, is Endometriosis. I was diagnosed through surgery when I was 17. I have decided to have this blog, so that those in my life can get a peek into my day to day issues that affect my life in every way.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Still waiting for the blood to flow

I an at that point or close to where this would be less annoying if i was acturaly bleeding or the blood showed up.

It still feels like i might get my period any minute, and yet still nothing (it comes and goes in waves, sorta. at times i feel okay, mostly if feels like period is due.)

I think if i end up in much pain come the weekend (family dinner) i will stay home since after i learned how much i aparently upset people i care about lately, i dont want to risk doing that again while there and on demerol and dumb with what i say/ how i talk and how i act. so i think if i need pain meds, or at least much i wont go....

though i worry they will take that personaly also. uhg. i just dont want people i love dislikeing me because i on mistake interupt and such things. Things i dont mean to do but cant seem to stop myself from doing when medicated.

I am still mad craving and teary.

Perhaps if pain dies down, or i give into meds i will go to groshery store to get some pasta sauce mixes (herbs that mix with water and oil) to put on my rice pasta so i dont have a meltdown tonight.

I love the ferguson family, and dont want to offend them at all so perhaps takeing myself out of the situation is the best way. At least when i am not thinking clearly.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

i am awake though i should be sleeping right now. The reason, my body is a little confused.

I am getting the feelings my period might show up any minute since 8am today... except its not due for another 10 days (and not even naturaly, but because of medication i take, that i havent forgotten to take)

So for that reason i am on my laptop trying to stay quiet to let scott sleep. One oft the things i am doing is looking up recepies on my fave recepie site, somehow i ended up loged out and cant get back in since i have no idea my user name. Sucks because i have alot of things saved to that account that i have no where elce. Hopefully i will find a way to get my username.

dumb body. it feels like i will be bleeding at any moment.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Hates her life at the moment, or at least her bladder.

We just swtiched to nights since that is Scotts shift this week (though ended up early).

I just got out of bes at 6:40, it is now 7:15
So far, i have had to urinate 8 times.

First time was extreamly painfull (tears came, as was 2nd and third) still painfull but now some tears are only comming from the frustration.

Its looking like this is going to be a REALLY long day. When we go downstairs i think i will try being on the couch with my feet up, sometimes that seems to help slighty.

oh i wish i had those new meds i havent yet fully explained but havent been able to fill the perscription for since no compounding pharmacist handy. UGH!

Friday, December 4, 2009

To many updates for the moment

I have al lot of updates, but no time for them at the moment.

Updates include topics such as Scott (the love of my life), my bladder, my back, my pain, diet changes, plans, new drug prescribes I haven’t been able to fill just yet.

First off, I have a tens unit that someone gave me from free cycle ( that is enough to know they work, in fact used to work well. Now I need it to be stronger then the max strength seems to be capable of.

My back has been cramping loads lately, but it’s really low like in my hips sort of. TENS is on now and helping a little but not much and to be fair the back is generally better when I sit then standing. Even more specific then that my back is worse if I straighten the leg on whatever side it is affecting (learned that in bed the other morning). So saying it’s doing okay at the moment is not truly fair, the fact is I need a better one. I think its number one on my wish list for Christmas at this moment at least. Perhaps should point that out to Scott who seems to think I will do what I did last year again for him (go shopping with him 3days before Christmas and pick all my own gifts and then let him pay), it’s SO not happening this year. He can try on his own, I have made him loads of lists and where to get items, even stocking items so there should be no issues (and I use the places that are handy).

I still have to get him one more gift that on my mind but haven’t gotten to it yet, perhaps tomorrow I will.

Today I have been making, well starting the process of making truffles. That always fun, the next step is the messy one.

I have to convince myself to go out to the grocery store. It’s cold and I have no interest in that at the moment. I also have to find all library books so I can return them and pay fines today.

I hurt, I would like to take a Demerol for front pain but haven’t had any since Sunday night (half a pill), and would like to continue on this way. Not the being in pain, but being able to avoid the pain meds (other than my once daily). I think I shall out off shopping for a little bit at least and do some things in the living room that don’t evolve much moving for the sake of my back cramps, and my pelvic pain. Oh I can’t WAIT to try the new med (I know I just said I like avoiding meds, but this one is different. It should not affect my head/mood/thinking at all) It should help with pelvic pain and the bladder issues also very likely.

Though, I just realised one thing. Although it won’t likely effect my head at all it might still likely make climaxing difficult, just not in the way Demerol does (Demerol makes it so that it feels good but the brain/nerve connections needed to orgasm just can’t quite be made) where as this med might make feelings less pronounced. Who knows though?