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I live in chronic pain. The reason for my pain, is Endometriosis. I was diagnosed through surgery when I was 17. I have decided to have this blog, so that those in my life can get a peek into my day to day issues that affect my life in every way.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

At least yesterday was semi-productive

Yesterday was a good day, pain wise at least. I managed to get a fair amount done the house for once, and cooked dinner on top of it all (and it was even good! Baked chicken works far better than fried chicken for me that’s for sure.) Though I couldn’t eat all day due to nausea, but that was from worry not the pain. Well it was from pain and fear but of a different sort.

I am glad I got done what I did yesterday because today pain is paying me back it seems, and a double helping of nausea today.

I am worried and scared about things, but I am too scared to bring things up to possibly have things either confirmed, or learn I am worried for nothing?

If I could take pain meds I might be able to get some things done, but I basically used up the week’s worth of pain meds while at the cottage Thursday night through Sunday afternoon. Simply so I could function decently and not hear comments from some family members who like to point out the lack of movement or activity I do, how I sit in pain and start pestering me again about a hysto. I also wanted to go to the corn roast that happens at the cottage, and without medication I would have been unable to go and be social at all, as it stands I am thankful my aunt drove to the corn roast since the walk both ways would have been too much.

Though at the corn roast I remembered why I tend to avoid social situations. When you don’t work, or go to school or have anything concrete to do each day it is hard to talk to others. When they ask how you are doing because they know you have had issues and you have nothing positive to say it clearly makes the person you are speaking to as uncomfortable as you yourself feel. This doesn’t change the fact I am glad I went however. The corn was good, and it was good to try to act like a normal person.

So my point is I cannot take meds I don’t really have, because I have already taken more then I can and still have enough for my worst days ahead, let’s just hope it isn’t that bad this time around. I also hold out on pain meds throughout the day when I can so I can use them in the evenings so I can be in less pain and therefore a better mood, also more able to function to do such things as cooking dinner.

The thought of having enough control over my pain that I could function normally, not have to “save up” pills for worse days and not have to lay on the couch in order to be able to cook later would be wonderful. The issue stands with my current pain doctor, in his eyes my pain should be completely under control as it stands, and since it is not if I complain he starts saying I am addicted to the medication (despite my going off for weeks when he told me to!). It’s just so frustrating.

My one doctor did however tell me he would send a note to a pain doctor I had heard of in Hamilton (closer, and also an apparently wonderful doctor). I know he deals with Endometriosis pain along with fibro (though I don’t have fibro) the woman I spoke to about him told me if I saw him I wouldn’t have pain, and I would be able to be ME again! (Well me with less IQ points likely because that’s the way I find pain medications act). But if I wasn’t in pain I could work, and be more social! It would mean I and S could then be more social with others even or so I hope.

Don’t get me wrong I am glad I am in Canada where most all health care is covered! But is it so much to ask for a doctor who listens to me, and knows about Endo pain (doesn’t just ask if I have tried Midol before!!!!!) instead of only seeming to focus on nerve damage pain, that we have now ruled out in my case between nerve blocks over months and drugs for neuropathic pain.

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